What makes a good friend?

Friendship is a unique bond built on mutual affection, trust, and respect, where individuals connect deeply, share experiences, and offer support. Unlike relationships based solely on proximity or convenience, friendship is defined by a genuine, personal interest in another’s well-being and happiness. It goes beyond mere companionship and includes a sense of loyalty, understanding, and often, a shared sense of humour or common interests.

A good friend embodies certain qualities that nurture and sustain this bond. Here are some essential traits:

Trustworthiness: Trust is foundational to any friendship. A good friend is someone you can confide in, who respects your privacy, and whose words and actions match their intentions.

Empathy and Understanding: A good friend listens without judgement, offering empathy and a safe space for you to express yourself. They make an effort to understand your feelings and support you through tough times.

Reliability: A good friend is dependable and consistent, whether that’s in keeping promises or simply showing up when you need them. Reliability builds security within the friendship, knowing someone is there when it counts.

Respect and Acceptance: A good friend respects your values, differences, and boundaries. They don’t try to change you but appreciate you for who you are, embracing your quirks and individuality.

Supportive Encouragement: A good friend encourages you to grow, celebrates your successes, and inspires you to be the best version of yourself. They provide honest feedback with kindness and are your biggest cheerleader during both highs and lows.

Mutual Effort: Friendship is a two-way street that requires both people to invest time, energy, and care. A good friend values this balance and puts in as much effort as they expect to receive.

These qualities make a friendship resilient and fulfilling, forming the basis for a connection that endures over time. Friendship, at its best, adds warmth, joy, and support to life.

Realising a friendship isn’t serving you can be difficult because friendships often carry deep emotional ties. However, there are certain signs that indicate a friendship may no longer be positive or healthy for you. Here are some key moments when you might recognize this:

One-Sided Effort

If you’re always the one reaching out, planning, or making efforts to connect, it may be a sign the friendship is unbalanced. True friendships require mutual effort, and when it feels like a constant chase, it may no longer be fulfilling.

Constant Negativity or Draining Energy

If you feel emotionally drained after spending time with this friend, it might indicate an imbalance. Some friends only vent or focus on negative aspects of life without providing the same support or joy in return, which can affect your own mental well-being.

Lack of Support or Encouragement

Good friends cheer for your achievements and support your dreams. If this friend often downplays your accomplishments, competes with you, or makes you feel guilty for your success, it’s a sign the friendship might be more toxic than supportive.

Consistent Disrespect for Boundaries

If a friend repeatedly crosses your boundaries, whether emotional, physical, or social, it can erode your trust and sense of safety in the relationship. Ignoring your boundaries shows a lack of respect and consideration.

Feeling Judged or Unaccepted

In a healthy friendship, you should feel accepted for who you are. If you feel like you have to hide aspects of yourself, feel judged, or are afraid to share your true thoughts and feelings, the friendship may be more harmful than supportive.

Lack of Trust

Trust is crucial in any friendship. If this person has betrayed your trust, gossiped about you, or revealed personal information, it can be difficult to feel safe confiding in them again. Lack of trust can make you question their loyalty and reliability.

More Stress than Joy

Friendships should primarily add happiness and comfort to your life. If you find yourself more stressed or anxious about the friendship—perhaps due to arguments, misunderstandings, or resentment—it might be a signal that the friendship is no longer serving you.

Personal Growth and Changing Values

Sometimes, friendships fade simply because people grow in different directions. If your values, goals, or lifestyle no longer align and you feel there’s less common ground, the friendship may not be as compatible as it once was.

Emotional Manipulation or Guilt-Tripping

If a friend frequently makes you feel guilty, uses passive-aggressive behaviour, or manipulates your emotions to control situations, this can be a form of emotional abuse. This is a serious sign that the friendship is unhealthy.

Feeling Unsupported in Your Boundaries or Goals

A friend who doesn’t respect your boundaries or doesn’t support your growth can hinder your well-being. If they discourage positive changes in your life or make you feel guilty for prioritizing your mental health, they may be holding you back.

Recognising that a friendship no longer serves you doesn’t make it an easy decision to step away. However, prioritising friendships that uplift, support, and inspire you is essential for your personal well-being and happiness.

Valuing yourself in a friendship starts with recognising your worth, setting healthy boundaries and understanding that you deserve kindness and respect. When you value yourself, you are better equipped to be a genuine friend and one who listens, supports and shows up. At the same time, being a better friend means practicing empathy, communicating openly and being reliable. True friendship is a balance, it thrives when both people give and receive in a way that is respectful, caring and authentic.

Sharon

What is your inner voice saying to you?

That little voice that gently urges you on and encourages you to keep going can sometimes come from the strangest of places!

 I started a walking challenge at the start of this second lockdown to help raise money for Galway Mountain Rescue Team, I love walking and being outdoors, so this would combine doing something for myself and helping others at the same time. I had virtually teamed up with some other participants from across the country, so we were there to support each other every day and we would get to see through our photos, the many places we each walked and a bit more of our beautiful countryside.

 I am not one to track my steps normally, but because of it being a challenge, I decided to use an app on my phone to record my walks. On my first day of walking, pressing the start button, it asked me to enter my distance target to be achieved that day which was 5KM, I suddenly felt a touch of anxiety about not being able to reach the daily targets and everyone would know about it! That little voice in my head that tries to halt my good intentions was fully in my awareness.

 We all have this voice when it comes to trying something new or challenging and it can stop us from experiencing new opportunities or reaching our goals. One of the first steps to eliminating self-judgement, is to recognise that the voice in your head never means you any harm. It may be the source of self-criticism, but that was never its intent. Believe it or not, it originally developed to help us feel emotionally safe and happy. It is trying to protect us. My inner voice was trying to stop me before I even got started - just in case I failed!

 It started to develop in me from a young age, believing that I was worthless and would amount to nothing. I was a people pleaser and constantly sought approval from others to validate myself as a good person. Worrying what other people thought of me was a clue to my past patterns and the nagging voice that told me “don’t try it, you will fail, and everyone will know you are worthless”

I took a deep breath and told myself “Just take it one step at a time” this is a mantra that has been part of my life since I started practising mindfulness over 25 years ago to help me deal with severe anxiety and depression. I had learned to trust my intuitive voice, the voice that urges me to take a chance, put myself out there, to go for what I wanted to achieve, this is the voice I trust and believe, but sometimes the other little voice sneaks in and makes us aware of the little doubts we may have about ourselves.

 I took off smiling and reminded myself to be mindful whilst walking and take in the beauty of my surroundings. It was a beautiful fresh day, and the sun was shining. I got into a good stride and felt energised, then suddenly out of nowhere, I heard a voice saying “1km – well done only 4 kms to go”. I didn’t realise the app would speak to me, at first I was like “this will drive me cracked if She keeps telling me how far I have gone/to go”, but when she announced to me I was 2KM into my distance target, I shouted out loud “YES”!!!!!

 Suddenly I was getting excited about reaching the next kilometre, what time I did it in and how many kilocalories I had burned off, it was like a whole new world for me, strange as that may seem to those that have been tracking or monitoring their every step for years, I had just enjoyed the pleasure of walking.

 By the time I had reached home again, I reached my target distance and had gone an extra 1.74km as it was a loop walk that I had done for many years, but never realised the distance.

I shared my photos I had taken along the way and the image of my recorded steps and KMs done for that day with the other participants and they with me, we all congratulated each other on a great day of walking and got to enjoy the sights they enjoyed along their routes.

 As I reflected on this later in the day, I realised that the voice coming from the app was like the positive side of my inner voice, the voice that says “yes you can do this, go for it” and I felt very grateful for having it and used it every day of the challenge, I used to say out loud to her…”thank you for encouraging me”

I know, I was really speaking to myself!

 We tend to knock ourselves down when we do not achieve the big things in life, but for me it was the achievement of the small things that led to me believing I could achieve the bigger things..

 If the voice in your head frequently tells you “you can’t do this”, try and come up with a visual image of yourself doing the challenge or reaching your goal. As you start to see yourself doing it, you will also start to realise the feelings associated with focusing your attention on something that feels great!

 Not only had I the voice in the app encouraging me, but I also had my virtual team to encourage me to keep going every day. Surround yourself with people who want you to achieve and their voices will also become part of your inner dialogue.

 Learn to me more aware of the inner voice, accept that it is there and have some compassion for all that it believes to be true for you in the past, in doing so you will give yourself the personal freedom to explore new aspects of yourself and the world. Listen to the voice that flows from your heart, it will always guide you in the right direction.

 “Every time you are tempted to react the same old way, ask yourself if you want to remain a prisoner of the past or a pioneer of the future” ~ Marcandangel

Sharon Fitzmaurice

Holistic Wellness Coach, Author & Podcaster

www.sharonfitzmauricemindfulness.com

Where is your happy place?

Along the winding paths of a country lane, the dawn just beginning to break, the birds starting their morning chorus, the world wakes up around me and I am present - not just in the world but in my body, my mind and my soul.

For each of us we may have a place that brings a sense of joy, peace or inner happiness, but it’s not just about the place, it’s about you. Allowing yourself space to be, to breathe deeply and to be truly yourself, this is your happy place.

So many people are searching for happiness that is portrayed by others on social media, remember most of us only post our happy days, there are few and far between that show you the other side of their lives, the days when they feel stressed, sad or lonely. We are only getting snippets of the lives of others and life can’t be defined by those images.

I love to see how other people are spending their days, but never compare my life to theirs personally or professionally, we are not living their lives and they are not living ours. As individuals we admire others when they do something that we would love to do and instead of feeling left behind, ask yourself “what is stopping me from doing this too?” When you see what others are doing, see it as inspiration to do something similar but in your own way. I for one get loads of ideas on places to visit from other people’s stories. I love finding a new adventure!

As the New Year approaches, I don’t set myself any unrealistic goals. To be alive and appreciate each day is the greatest goal we can have. As we do this, we start to feel more self-aware and in turn we progress onto doing what helps us feel good about ourselves. If we continue to dwell on what went wrong in the passing year, we get stuck in the negative attachments of the past. Let’s try and move on one step at a time.

It’s not about being better than you were last year, but simply allowing yourself to feel better in all that you do.

Ask yourself three simple questions

• What activities do I most enjoy doing and how can I plan to do more of them in 2020?

• If I had one dream that I could achieve in the coming year, what would it be?

• What’s stopping me?

  By answering these questions it will help you identify where you can adjust your thoughts and focus on planning to bring about more of the positive aspects of what you want and love doing. This is the starting point

• Identify

• Focus

• Plan

  There is no new you, only the you that wants to try something new. You are an accumulation of your thoughts, emotions and beliefs, when we understand this, we learn that every thought and feeling has an impact on our behaviours. Happiness is an inside job, I could be in the middle of a bog covered in muck and feel so much joy, not because of where I am, but for allowing myself time and space to be just me.

  Wherever you are, be present!

  Sharon Fitzmaurice

Embracing moments in life

So how has your year been?

In this end of year blog, I will share some of my personal experiences, guidance for the year ahead and also a free guided meditation on clearing and releasing.

Its okay to talk the talk, but you must also walk the walk. I can’t help others to help themselves if I don’t acknowledge the lessons I have learned along the way, but first I must realise what every experience has taught me so that I can take the positive from each and in turn pass it on.

When we take a few moments to reflect on the passing year, some of us may be thankful it is over for whatever reason, for others including myself, I am grateful for the wonderful personal and heartfelt experiences I have had like walking another route of the Camino de Santiago in which I get to visit new destinations, challenge myself not just physically, but also mentally and emotionally. It has taught me the greatest lesson in pushing past the limits I may have held in my mind and knowing that we are capable of extraordinary things when we start to believe in ourselves. I have had many an argument with myself on these long walks on the Camino and afterwards I am always glad that I listened to my heart.

I also got to visit my friend Mike and his family in Canada after he lost his beautiful wife Jennifer from cancer. Mike has been a friend for many years and although we kept in touch, I hadn’t been to visit him in nearly 19 years, it taught me to not put things off and that sometimes distance isn’t really a factor when you have a friend going through grief and needs support. I wrote a blog after my return home on how we all experience grief differently, time helps, but it is always there, be compassionate to those around you that may need support and that means being able to speak about the ones they have lost - no matter how long ago it was.

For myself and my wonderful husband John, we had our first holiday abroad in Portugal as a couple in nearly twenty years and we enjoyed every single moment. Again this taught me that we must work at our relationships and spend quality time together and appreciate each other. Just walking on the beach hand in hand helps you to re-connect and remind you why you fell in love with each other in the first place and that we are both individuals growing alongside each other.

In my professional life, I had the opportunity to speak at some wonderful public and private events, sharing my story and meeting so many courageous people wanting to create a change in their own lives. My one to one clients continue to inspire me by showing me that we are resilient beyond belief and that once we open up to our true selves that we can start to heal and create a life that has purposeful meaning.

As 2019 is coming to a close, I have made peace with the challenges I have faced.

I have faced challenges within my own family, some I am walking alongside and supporting, others I am following their lead. No matter how we feel, whether it is our children or parents, try not to let your own beliefs or emotions get in the way of their path. With my children, they have taught me so much and I am the student when it comes to their new independence as they are now young adults. The path my children have chosen and will choose in the future shows we have not done a bad job as their Mammy & Daddy, they have grown up to be passionate, independent and determined to follow their hearts. They are teaching us everyday.

A few months ago we were faced with the prospect that we may lose our Mother after she was diagnosed with cancer, it hit us all quite hard knowing that this wonderful woman who has always been in our lives, may one day be gone. Thankfully, my Mother has responded very well to treatment and her oncologist gave her great news yesterday, so we celebrated!

It made us all very aware that my Mother is getting older and one day she will be gone, but instead of worrying about when she won’t be here, we enjoy the time we have with her now. It is a simple lesson in mindfulness and gratitude, one that we learn to practise even more when we are faced with losing someone close to us.

My lesson in this whole experience is to not take each other for granted. To be fully present with the ones you love when they are with you, to listen, to share and stop putting things off.

This is the greatest moment you will ever have.

Let go of all those fears, doubts and worries and ask yourself “what is truly important to me?” Most answers will be the people you share your life with! Because at the end of the day, the people you love will be the ones around your bedside when it comes time to say your final goodbye.

Life is made up of moments and moments create memories. I like to keep a bank of fun and happy memories that bring joy and happiness to my heart. I don’t want to live with regret in my life, so I make the most of every opportunity and experience in each day, if this was your last day - what would you do and who would you spend it with!?

With love and blessings to you all.

Sharon

Guidance for the year ahead

Guidance card for the year ahead

Where does your mind wander - into fear, fantasy, humour or stress? Follow your mind and observe where it goes to feed itself. Do you like what you see and feel? Many of my clients and groups come to me telling me they are fatigued or unmotivated, so the first step is choosing - how do you want to feel?

The more you focus on feeling not so good, unhappy or sad, the more that energy flows through your mind and ultimately your body, unresolved issues buried deep within your emotional and mental energy, starts to have an impact on you physically. So what simple steps can you take today and every day to help yourself? Taking that first step in acknowledging how you feel and taking action to create a change - even one small change, will have a ripple effect in your life.

Being mindful helps us to be more present with our thoughts and emotions. When you become more self-aware you are more equipped to change the pattern of your thoughts. Always acknowledge your thoughts and feelings, accept that they are present and then allow them to go.

Life has many paths and we choose which path is right for us in any given moment. Develop a stronger sense of self and follow the path of your heart. Where do you feel the greatest passion and drive? Listen to your intuition and work closely with people who inspire you to develop your creativity and strengths.

You don’t have to stay with anyone or in any job that does not appreciate who you truly are or your amazing skills, if you don’t feel appreciated, then you are not appreciating yourself.

Each and everyone of us deserve to be loved and appreciated, you start and others will follow your lead.

Sharon

Pushing past your limits

The only way you will ever know if you can do something is by trying it!

I returned from another week of walking one of the 6 routes of St. James way along the Camino de Santiago last week and I am still buzzing!

When people heard I was going to Spain, they presumed I would be wearing shorts and sunglasses to deal with the heat that is so often associated with the country, but not on this trip. On my first ever trip to walk from Sarria to Santiago in 2017, we had a heat-wave. It was overly hot for that time of year, even for the Spanish in the north of the country, walking in the heat can bring its own struggles, but us Irish basked in the sunshine as often as we could - an added bonus to our normal Irish weather. In 2018, also in April when walking this route of the Camino, we had the heaviest of rain, and floods covered many of the tracks, again being Irish and more used to the rain, we plodded on enjoying a different aspect of walking in the rain for nearly 20km each day.

This year, starting on the 2nd of April, we started walking from Ponferrada to Sarria, we had heard rumours that there was likely to be some snow, and from a distance we could see the mountain tops lightly dusted with snow, all very picturesque. On a journey, we seem to always want to know what is ahead of us, but for me, I like to be surprised along the way and by God were we surprised! For the first few days, we had normal weather, in that it was cold starting off, a hint of sunshine broke through the clouds in the afternoons and the evening temperatures dropped once the sun went down. The walking was made easier by the beautiful sights of little villages, trails of vines grew either side of us in many parts and meeting people was always greeted with ‘Buen Camino’.

On the day we walked from Herrieras to O Cebrerio we could see the large mountains in the distance that we were about to embark upon. I was excited at the thoughts of walking on a snow covered mountain and feeling the crisp air on my face. We started off with slight inclines which meandered into a forest trail that grew steeper as we walked. The sounds of the birds in the trees and the sunlight breaking through the morning sky created dancing shadows on my path, it made it feel like I was the only one there in that moment. I could see and hear my group just behind me, but for just a few minutes I took some time to just be present and absorb this earthly wonder. It also gave me time to breathe again, when you are walking up hills, you are focusing on keeping a rhythm to your steps and your breath. Sometimes you forget to do both!

After walking the first few kilometres, we are so grateful for the small cafes/casas that are nestled in the moutains, greeted by warm ‘olas’ and a café con leche. Removing some of the our outer layers and hats, we look like all the other travellers - everyone has hat hair, so you fit in well. There is a sense of community with other walkers, as they too know what you are feeling as you take this journey of miles for whatever reasons. Some are doing it in rememberance of a loved one who has passed, some are doing it as a spiritual journey to find themselves, others maybe for religious reasons and see this as a pilgrimage, for me it is about opening a gift every day and allowing the journey to fill my senses with sounds, sights and new people. It has become one of the greatest experiences of my life in that I realised after my first Camino that I am stronger than I had once believed, both physically, mentally and emotionally. Plus I love all the fun we have and get to go dancing the odd night! I also do it each year to fundraise for a local group in Tuam who have Multiple Sclerosis, I have had the privilege of facilitating mindfulness classes for them the past number of years and they all inspire me to be my best self each day and to be so grateful to put one foot in front of the other.

After our coffee break, everyone is eager to get back on the move and see where our next steps will take us, we headed up higher into the mountains and the sights that greeted us were like a picture postcard. Snow everywhere, the sky vibrant blue with clouds that looked like marshmallows and the air so crisp, as you breathe in you feel it is almost cleansing you. It really feels like a piece of heaven, whatever that is to you, but for me it was the peace and serenity of standing in nature having walked to get somewhere so beautiful, every step was worth it. The further we moved up, the heavier the snow became, snow drifts on either side of the trail and the sharp wind started to hit your exposed skin with a bit of a bite.

This was nothing compared to the next day, we started with heavy snow at the start of our trail and the Spanish must have thought these crazy Irish people couldn’t possibly want to walk in the blizzard! But we did. I must admit that I was a little anxious starting out as we couldn’t see very far in front of us, but it also excited me as it is something I have never done before and we were safe in the hands of our guides from Into the West Adventures. who organised our hotels, bags being transferred every day, guiding us every step and generally all round looking after us in any way they possibly could.

I sent a photo to my friend as we walked and she said we looked like we were on the run! Faces covered where only our eyes were peering out, but as the morning went on, we even had to cover our eyes as the hail was so big, it was hitting our eyes and making it hard to keep them open. The sunglasses were taken out of the bags after coffee as a protection tool from the hail and snow. It was exhilarating. It took all your energy to keep walking and to focus on your next step. It really made me mindful of the people in front and behind me and also to watch my footing in the snow covered ground. But like most Irish, we found humour in it and even sang whilst we walked, chatted and laughed often. By the end of that day we were all exhausted, we had come down to Triacastela - our final stop for the day and it lashed rain, so now we were soaked to the skin and looking like drowned rats. But you know what, we still smiled and the conversation over coffee, wine or a brandy that day was one of achievement. The group consisted of all ages, we are fit, but maybe we could have done with a bit more training (as we say we will do every year) but we did it! I looked around the table at my fellow walkers and felt so proud to be with them all. We all struggle at times along the trail and today was one of the toughest, but we made it.

I’m not going to give you a day by day account of the whole walking week as I could truly write a book on all I experienced, not just in sight and sounds, but in my thoughts and feelings. The Camino is a journey of a thousand steps (if using fit bit it will tell you exactly how many thousand a day!) but I don’t really need to know the number of steps I did, for me it is about knowing that each day I step out into the morning air and take that first breath, that the beauty of our world is there to be seen and only by taking time to explore it , will we truly see it in all its glory. When doing this, you allow yourself to be present in each amazing moment, there are times when you feel frustrated or sore, but you breathe through it, you get help from a fellow walker, whether it is in your group or a stranger that starts to chat as you keep each other company along the way. Many stories are shared with each other, sometimes tears, but always lots of laughter.

This trip like the other 3 camino trips I have done always remind me that I can achieve anything I set my mind to. I love the laugh, going out for dinner in the evenings with the group, having a few glasses of vino and sealing the day with shared stories , it seals the day with stories of loo stops in the bushes to listening to the people that have so much more to them than just what we see when first meeting. It’s the fact that I am out of my comfort zone and no matter who I am with sharing this experience, there will always be a special bond, even if you just chat with them for a few minutes or spend the week chatting along the way. We have shared an experience that has pushed us and we have pushed through it. We are constantly limiting ourselves with “I can’t”, but when I am on the Camino, I hear myself saying silently “I CAN”, it is my mantra on a daily basis.

The more we arm ourselves with the right words in our minds, the better equipped we are in dealing with all challenging situations, not just on the Camino. For me it has taught me valuable lessons about myself. I can do things on my own, but I do like the support of others. I like peace and quiet, but I also love the laughter and chatter of people around me. I don’t always have to put on a brave face for others and it is okay to say I am having a tough day. I read many signs along the way, hand-painted by fellow walkers and it always gave me a lift. We don’t know what is ahead of us on the Camino or in life, but along the way we can make it a little easier for ourselves and others by being more compassionate and kinder. Everything in life starts with just one step and we can only do it one step at a time.

I am returning again next year 18th to 25th April 2020 to do a new route, want to join me? Love Sharon xxxxx

To see Sharon’s next upcoming events or adventures please click here

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Attitude of Gratitude

Is being grateful really going to make a difference in your life?

For me, most definitely! Gratitude reminds me of all that I have in my life in the present moment. Instead of focusing on what I don’t have, I focus on what I do have. If you started listing in your mind right now all that you are grateful for, you might surprise yourself.

“But what about when you are going through a really hard time and everything seems to be going wrong?” This is a statement I hear from so many people, they tell me its’s okay to be grateful when life is going well, but it’s really tough when you are feeling overwhelmed by events out of your control. I hear you!

Life is a series of events that are positive and negative, over the years I have learned that most of my negative experiences led me to a place of healing and acceptance. They taught me to be grateful for each one and learned so much about myself. If it wasn’t for said experiences, I wouldn’t be the person I am today.

Of course when you are going through those challenging experiences, you are not grateful for them at the time. Let me give you an example. When we were told that my Sister was very unwell and was expected to die, we were in shock. As a family we came together to support her and be with her as much as possible. On seeing her fading away in front of our eyes, we knew that we were holding onto her, but deep down we knew she wasn’t going to survive this. I remember begging God to help her and that She really needed him right now! I now realise that the help she really needed was to let go and be at peace, she had fought long enough. Now, I give thanks everyday that She was in my life for 27 years and I still hold her in my heart. I now focus on what she gave me in life - unconditional love, and am so grateful that we were lucky enough to have her in our family.

Every time I walk now, I bring her with me in my mind and heart, when I am struggling to get up that hill or my back is acting up again, I remind myself to be grateful for my legs, they allow me to walk up the hill and keep me grounded in every challenge - my Sister could not walk. Each time I talk with my friends and family, I give thanks for a voice to speak , being able to express myself. My Sister was unable to speak but for one word she uttered, and that was “Mama”, and for that I am so grateful. She may not have said many words, but to hear her voice expressing this was what we will always hold dear.

“If the only prayer you said in your whole life was, ‘thank you,’ that would suffice.” – Meister Eckhart

Being grateful reminds you of what is truly important, during the hard times we tend to dwell on them and forget all the things that are going right. When we look around, we realise that our biggest blessings are the people in our lives.

One of the most commonly referenced research studies on gratitude was conducted by Emmons and McCullough in 2003. They split their research participants into three groups who were asked to list up to five things:

1. they were grateful or thankful for

2. that were struggles in their daily life

3. that simply happened

The participants didn’t describe or write about the events; they simply listed them. They did this daily for three weeks. After comparing the participants to themselves at the beginning of the experiment and to one another, Emmons and McCullough found several interesting relationships. The participants who wrote about what they were grateful or thankful for were found to have significantly:

• Emotional more resilient

• More eager in helping others

• Better outlook on life in general

• Improved sleep

• Improved relationships

Later studies have generally found similar results: Short expressions of gratitude on a regular basis have a positive impact on our mood and much more

So how can you bring more gratitude into your life?

Start simply

1. Every morning when you wake, give thanks for being blessed with another day, some people are denied the privilege.

2. Focus on your breath and say silently to yourself “I breathe in love, I breathe out gratitude”,. I like to send this out before me each morning. This is also a good way to introduce meditation into your daily routine.

3. I always give thanks for my food before I eat as I am so grateful to have food on my table each day.

4. Say “Thank You” to everyone that takes the time to connect with you whether on social media or in person.

5. When you are struggling with an issue, instead of letting it take over your day, switch the thought in your mind and ask yourself what are you grateful for in this moment and it will make the issue seem a little easier to deal with.

6. In those times of challenges or struggles, ask yourself what it is trying to teach you and be grateful for the awareness of knowing that every experience is an opportunity to learn and grow.

7. When we are grateful, we are more able to help others without wanting anything in return and know that we are helping to make a difference.

8. Every night as you go to bed, breathe deeply and list in your mind all that you are grateful for in that day, you will sleep easier and bring that positive energy into your tomorrows.

9. Keep a gratitude journal, I designed one that has daily guidance and affirmations which helps bring your focus back to the blessings in your life, it also allows you a space each day to write your own thoughts. People who use it say it has helped bring more awareness into their lives.

10. Smile because you are alive :-)

Be Thankful
Be thankful that you don’t already have everything you desire,
If you did, what would there be to look forward to?

Be thankful when you don’t know something
For it gives you the opportunity to learn.

Be thankful for the difficult times.
During those times you grow.

Be thankful for your limitations
Because they give you opportunities for improvement.

Be thankful for each new challenge
Because it will build your strength and character.

Be thankful for your mistakes
They will teach you valuable lessons.

Be thankful when you’re tired and weary
Because it means you’ve made a difference.

It is easy to be thankful for the good things.
A life of rich fulfilment comes to those who are
also thankful for the setbacks.

GRATITUDE can turn a negative into a positive.
Find a way to be thankful for your troubles
and they can become your blessings.
~ Author Unknown ~

I smile because I’m alive

Sharon Fitzmaurice is an Author, Holistic Wellness Coach and Speaker based in Co. Galway. Her main focus is to help others to help themselves in all areas of their lives. She provides regular meditation and mindfulness classes for the private and public sector. She is a Reiki Master Teacher and as well as seeing her clients each week, she provides training on how to incorporate the Reiki practise into other people’s lives. Her role as a Clinical Hypnotherapist has helped her work on a subconscious level with clients in getting to deep rooted issues and helping them awaken to their full potential. She is a regular speaker at events introducing the positive benefits of creating change that starts from within. Sharon has shared her story of overcoming childhood trauma, anxiety and depression in her best-selling book -Someone please help me, so I did

Let's make it a January to remember...for all the right reasons

Yes it is a new year and you are probably bombarded with ‘New Year, new you’ advertising and may feel as if you have to change in some way!? Try adding something instead.

Do what feels right for you. You are fabulous just the way you are and if you are feeling not so fabulous at the moment, just ask yourself what one thing you can do differently to make things a little better in your life. So for many of us we want to be healthier, so what does that entail? If you are continuously focusing on what you DON’T want in your life, you will get more of the same. Try changing your mindset around what you DO want in your life. For example : I want to be healthier this week/month/year so I going to add more walking or exercise to my daily routines. I want to clear out my system as I feel bloated or sluggish, so I will add more fresh foods to my daily meals. I want to learn more not just to help me in my work life, but to develop personally, so I am looking at some courses for the year ahead. I love learning and it keeps the brain active. Plus it is great to set yourself a challenge just for the fun of it.

January is just another month, but for some people they have always told themselves the same story that they ‘hate’ this month and it is a real ‘downer’ after the Christmas, it’s not, it’s just what you tell yourself that amplifies that feeling. Just look at each day as a brand new day, what can you do in each day to make it a little better? I went walking this morning with a friend and even though it was raining before we started off, we didn’t use it as an excuse not to go. We fill our minds and then our lives with excuses, which in turn block us from moving forward. If you hear yourself making an excuse today, ask yourself why you are stopping yourself?

So I am giving you all a little challenge, I want you to find one new thing that you can do this week that will change the way you look at January. I am starting new classes and running workshops and retreats this month, so I have so much to look forward to, if you haven’t planned anything yet, maybe it is time to start looking at something that will give you a boost and time out for yourself. We have 24 hours in the day, use one of them for You! Don’t keep putting off living your life. It’s not about failing or succeeding, it is simply about trying. How would we ever know what anything is like if we never tried it?

Here are a few simple starting points, the more you achieve the simple steps in adding more positive change to your life, the easier it will be to take the next step in adding something a little more adventurous :-

Read a new book

Do 10 minutes stretching every morning

Eat more greens

Arrange to meet a friend for a chat

Arrange a date night with your other half

Go to the park with your kids

Bring your dog to the beach (I did that yesterday)

Empty out your wardrobe and recycle your clothes by giving to a charity shop

Join a new class and meet new people, this helps build your confidence and self-esteem

Plan ahead so you have something to work towards in your career, personal life and relationships

Go to bed a little earlier a few nights each week

Start meditating - it has been the greatest benefit to my life

Be gentle and more compassionate to yourself

Take it one step at a time

Whatever way you look at this month, try to remember that it is just another month. The choices you make today will reflect in your tomorrows.

Let me know what you are doing to add more to your life this month.

Have a wonderful January everyone.

Enjoy your journey

Love Sharon

Sharon Fitzmaurice is an Holistic Wellness Coach, Speaker and best selling Author based in Co. Galway. She works with clients through one to one Reiki & Hypnotherapy Sessions helping bring about positive change within their lives. She also teaches Reiki therapy so that others may use it for their own well-being and moving forward in their personal and professional lives. She regularly runs workshops on self-care, meditation, mindfulness along with weekend retreats to provide an environment to guide others on their journey of self-awareness and personal development. She has spoken at private and public events, sharing her story of overcoming adversity and helping others to awaken their potential.

Be real and true to yourself

Being real starts with you. 

No make up, no hair done and even a little zit on my chin!

I wanted my first blog of 2018 to be real. Like many of you, I too am guilty of showing the best side of myself on social media and in truth none of us look that good all the time, we all have to put in a little effort now and again. So today I have taken a photo of myself straight out of the shower showing the 'real' me without make up, hair done or dressed up to the nines. I didn't even smile for this photo!

In my book Someone please help me, so I did I wrote from my worst time in where I felt I needed everyone else's approval before I could accept  myself, that is because I did not believe in myself. I had no real self-worth, how did I find it? Well it doesn't come from taking fabulous photos of yourself and looking good, that is just for appearance sake, I needed to look within and see the beauty that lay within me and start to let it shine through every pore of my being. 

No matter what anyone looks like on the outside, there is always an internal struggle in some form. The greatest philosophers in the world have written about this through the ages, the acceptance of self is our greatest challenge but also our greatest opportunity for learning who we are and who we want to be.

We are now dominated by social media images and positive quotes that tell you to be happy and smiling all the time, that is not real. We don't wake up happy, we have to choose to be that way. Happiness stems from the thoughts and feelings in each moment, the appreciation of what is without judgement. This also includes the feelings of anger and sadness, accepting them and allowing yourself to feel these emotions as they arise. But would you take a photo of yourself when you are crying your eyes out or screaming your head off and post on social media!? NO, you certainly would not, care would anyone see the 'real' you!/. 

I smile as I type this as I have often cried and looked at myself in the mirror, not a pretty sight let me tell you, but it is the realest me I will ever see, it is the me that is vulnerable, expressive and allowing myself to be who I am in that moment. None of us are ever going to be perfect as there is no such thing. None of us are going to be happy and positive all the time, or if you pretend to be, you are not being real with yourself or the world. 

When I wake up each morning, I will take 5 minutes looking in the mirror and just breathe deeply whilst focusing not on the 'image' of myself but on the core of who I am.

If you can look into your own eyes, even the sleepy ones, and tell yourself you are loved and accepted, you are off to a great start everyday. Don't get caught up in the lives of other people, that is their life. They may inspire you, but allow your dreams and passion to explode into the world in the only way you can, your way. 

Being true to yourself never goes out of style. 

It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are ~. e.e. cummings

Happy New Year

Love Sharon