Taking a leap

I was in my fifties when I finally did my first stage dive.
Yes, you read that right, fifty-something and flying through the air into a sea of strangers’ hands. For a brief, heart-stopping moment, I felt weightless. Then came the rush, the laughter, the freedom, the deep knowing that I had just rewritten an old story.

For much of my life, my body carried memories of fear and survival. It remembered what it meant to brace, to protect, to hold back. Healing taught me that trust isn’t something that simply arrives one day, it’s something we build, breath by breath, choice by choice. That night, standing on that stage, I wasn’t just jumping into a crowd. I was leaping into trust in myself, in others, in the sheer joy of being alive.

As a coach and therapist, I often encourage others to step beyond what feels safe, to challenge the stories that whisper, “You can’t.” But this time, it was me putting that wisdom into practice , embodying what I so often share. It reminded me that healing doesn’t end when the pain subsides; it deepens when we allow joy to take up space where fear once lived.

When I jumped, I wasn’t just stage diving, I was surrendering the weight of “what if” and choosing “why not.”
And in that surrender, I discovered something beautiful: our bodies and our spirits are capable of more than we ever imagine when we trust them to soar.

Sharon Fitzmaurice

Holistic Wellness Coach, Author & Podcast Host

What makes a good friend?

Friendship is a unique bond built on mutual affection, trust, and respect, where individuals connect deeply, share experiences, and offer support. Unlike relationships based solely on proximity or convenience, friendship is defined by a genuine, personal interest in another’s well-being and happiness. It goes beyond mere companionship and includes a sense of loyalty, understanding, and often, a shared sense of humour or common interests.

A good friend embodies certain qualities that nurture and sustain this bond. Here are some essential traits:

Trustworthiness: Trust is foundational to any friendship. A good friend is someone you can confide in, who respects your privacy, and whose words and actions match their intentions.

Empathy and Understanding: A good friend listens without judgement, offering empathy and a safe space for you to express yourself. They make an effort to understand your feelings and support you through tough times.

Reliability: A good friend is dependable and consistent, whether that’s in keeping promises or simply showing up when you need them. Reliability builds security within the friendship, knowing someone is there when it counts.

Respect and Acceptance: A good friend respects your values, differences, and boundaries. They don’t try to change you but appreciate you for who you are, embracing your quirks and individuality.

Supportive Encouragement: A good friend encourages you to grow, celebrates your successes, and inspires you to be the best version of yourself. They provide honest feedback with kindness and are your biggest cheerleader during both highs and lows.

Mutual Effort: Friendship is a two-way street that requires both people to invest time, energy, and care. A good friend values this balance and puts in as much effort as they expect to receive.

These qualities make a friendship resilient and fulfilling, forming the basis for a connection that endures over time. Friendship, at its best, adds warmth, joy, and support to life.

Realising a friendship isn’t serving you can be difficult because friendships often carry deep emotional ties. However, there are certain signs that indicate a friendship may no longer be positive or healthy for you. Here are some key moments when you might recognize this:

One-Sided Effort

If you’re always the one reaching out, planning, or making efforts to connect, it may be a sign the friendship is unbalanced. True friendships require mutual effort, and when it feels like a constant chase, it may no longer be fulfilling.

Constant Negativity or Draining Energy

If you feel emotionally drained after spending time with this friend, it might indicate an imbalance. Some friends only vent or focus on negative aspects of life without providing the same support or joy in return, which can affect your own mental well-being.

Lack of Support or Encouragement

Good friends cheer for your achievements and support your dreams. If this friend often downplays your accomplishments, competes with you, or makes you feel guilty for your success, it’s a sign the friendship might be more toxic than supportive.

Consistent Disrespect for Boundaries

If a friend repeatedly crosses your boundaries, whether emotional, physical, or social, it can erode your trust and sense of safety in the relationship. Ignoring your boundaries shows a lack of respect and consideration.

Feeling Judged or Unaccepted

In a healthy friendship, you should feel accepted for who you are. If you feel like you have to hide aspects of yourself, feel judged, or are afraid to share your true thoughts and feelings, the friendship may be more harmful than supportive.

Lack of Trust

Trust is crucial in any friendship. If this person has betrayed your trust, gossiped about you, or revealed personal information, it can be difficult to feel safe confiding in them again. Lack of trust can make you question their loyalty and reliability.

More Stress than Joy

Friendships should primarily add happiness and comfort to your life. If you find yourself more stressed or anxious about the friendship—perhaps due to arguments, misunderstandings, or resentment—it might be a signal that the friendship is no longer serving you.

Personal Growth and Changing Values

Sometimes, friendships fade simply because people grow in different directions. If your values, goals, or lifestyle no longer align and you feel there’s less common ground, the friendship may not be as compatible as it once was.

Emotional Manipulation or Guilt-Tripping

If a friend frequently makes you feel guilty, uses passive-aggressive behaviour, or manipulates your emotions to control situations, this can be a form of emotional abuse. This is a serious sign that the friendship is unhealthy.

Feeling Unsupported in Your Boundaries or Goals

A friend who doesn’t respect your boundaries or doesn’t support your growth can hinder your well-being. If they discourage positive changes in your life or make you feel guilty for prioritizing your mental health, they may be holding you back.

Recognising that a friendship no longer serves you doesn’t make it an easy decision to step away. However, prioritising friendships that uplift, support, and inspire you is essential for your personal well-being and happiness.

Valuing yourself in a friendship starts with recognising your worth, setting healthy boundaries and understanding that you deserve kindness and respect. When you value yourself, you are better equipped to be a genuine friend and one who listens, supports and shows up. At the same time, being a better friend means practicing empathy, communicating openly and being reliable. True friendship is a balance, it thrives when both people give and receive in a way that is respectful, caring and authentic.

Sharon