Be real and true to yourself

Being real starts with you. 

No make up, no hair done and even a little zit on my chin!

I wanted my first blog of 2018 to be real. Like many of you, I too am guilty of showing the best side of myself on social media and in truth none of us look that good all the time, we all have to put in a little effort now and again. So today I have taken a photo of myself straight out of the shower showing the 'real' me without make up, hair done or dressed up to the nines. I didn't even smile for this photo!

In my book Someone please help me, so I did I wrote from my worst time in where I felt I needed everyone else's approval before I could accept  myself, that is because I did not believe in myself. I had no real self-worth, how did I find it? Well it doesn't come from taking fabulous photos of yourself and looking good, that is just for appearance sake, I needed to look within and see the beauty that lay within me and start to let it shine through every pore of my being. 

No matter what anyone looks like on the outside, there is always an internal struggle in some form. The greatest philosophers in the world have written about this through the ages, the acceptance of self is our greatest challenge but also our greatest opportunity for learning who we are and who we want to be.

We are now dominated by social media images and positive quotes that tell you to be happy and smiling all the time, that is not real. We don't wake up happy, we have to choose to be that way. Happiness stems from the thoughts and feelings in each moment, the appreciation of what is without judgement. This also includes the feelings of anger and sadness, accepting them and allowing yourself to feel these emotions as they arise. But would you take a photo of yourself when you are crying your eyes out or screaming your head off and post on social media!? NO, you certainly would not, care would anyone see the 'real' you!/. 

I smile as I type this as I have often cried and looked at myself in the mirror, not a pretty sight let me tell you, but it is the realest me I will ever see, it is the me that is vulnerable, expressive and allowing myself to be who I am in that moment. None of us are ever going to be perfect as there is no such thing. None of us are going to be happy and positive all the time, or if you pretend to be, you are not being real with yourself or the world. 

When I wake up each morning, I will take 5 minutes looking in the mirror and just breathe deeply whilst focusing not on the 'image' of myself but on the core of who I am.

If you can look into your own eyes, even the sleepy ones, and tell yourself you are loved and accepted, you are off to a great start everyday. Don't get caught up in the lives of other people, that is their life. They may inspire you, but allow your dreams and passion to explode into the world in the only way you can, your way. 

Being true to yourself never goes out of style. 

It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are ~. e.e. cummings

Happy New Year

Love Sharon

Looking for Love?

I am sure like most people in the world, you too have loved someone but didn't receive the same love back. Why?

Sometimes the  love we seek from another is only to fill the gap within ourselves. We have all fallen head over heels in love or so we thought at the time, with someone that was truly not good for us. Agree?

We can not make anyone love us! Yes you are adorable, cute and funny, but that does not mean that everyone you are attracted to is going to feel the same way about you. We sometimes feel a connection with a certain person, but it may not mean that you are going to live happily ever after, no if might just simply be that you have connected with someone who is showing you at this moment in time, what you are really lacking in your own life and are looking for someone else to fill that need.

I hear you laughing, yes some of you just would like to have more sex! And more of you want a long lasting committed relationship, but are you going to sacrifice your soul to be with someone that truly does not love and respect you the way you deserve? NO of course you are not.

So how do we help ourselves? Well firstly, when we are lacking in love, it does not mean that another person will make you feel whole. We may believe it in our minds, but truly our heart is looking to feel self-love and self-belief in ourselves.  Start by looking at what you really want (apart from the sex and someone to be by your side until eternity) in your life.

Are you meeting all the same kind of people and none of them are really what you are looking for, but because you don't feel like you have a choice, you keep reverting back to your ex or to the person that messages you at the end of the night? Don't feel bad, lots of people do it too. But think about the kind of person you really want in your life. Think of the attributes of this person, how you would like to feel when you are with them or even not with them. Allow yourself to feel safe, respected, loved, cherished and also to grow as an individual, just because you are with someone, does not mean you need to spend your time with them or thinking of them 24 hours of the day. If we continue to go back and do the same things over and over again, nothing will ever change. 

True love is a mutual respect of two people who allow each other to be themselves whole heartedly. Yes there is compromise when we commit to each other in any relationship, but it is a deep mutual respect for our dreams, lives and passions. If we allow ourselves to be more open about the people we want in our lives, friends or lovers, we start to open our hearts to the people that are attracted to that positive energy.

If you only believe that you will get the people who hurt or reject you, then that is all you will get. You are worth so much more than that, but you must first believe in yourself.

Start each day with a positive mindset, forget about the people that have hurt you in the past and let it go. You are not your past and there is no pattern to your relationships, you can change right now.  Your ex is an ex for a reason! We learn from the people we have shared our past with and we accept responsibility for our own actions. We acknowledge that that person came into our lives for a reason and we allowed them to treat us a certain way, but we have moved on from there and are now facing each day with a new positive attitude.

So go out and be yourself, the next time you meet someone and feel a connection, it may not be the love affair of the century, but at least you are meeting people and sharing your amazing self with them, how far you want to share is up to you :-) 

Have fun :-)

BTW I have found LOVE! How did I know it was real love? I didn't, I just knew how I felt and how I was being treated. When someone loves you enough to believe in you more that you believe in yourself, they want the best for you. They will encourage you to be your best self. Of course we have arguments and sometimes he drives me crazy, but most of the time, I have a big smile on my face. He sees me for who I really am and that is okay, sometimes I can't really see myself, so it is lovely to have someone who reminds me that I am special.

Love Sharon