We all live inside roles. Some are chosen with joy, others are inherited, expected, or handed to us before we ever had the chance to ask if they felt true. We become partners, mothers, leaders, caregivers, achievers, peacekeepers, nurturers, performers. And somewhere in the midst of all of it, our quieter self waits to be asked: Is this still mine?
In my recent conversation with Sara Slattery, she spoke beautifully about her work as a coach and mentor to ambitious women, guiding them to lead with energy and impact in their professional worlds. I found myself sitting with a different question afterwards:
How do we lead in our own lives, not just in our careers?
Leadership in this context is not about titles or influence. It is about integrity with the self. It is the ability to recognise when a role is nourishing us and when it is exhausting us. It is noticing when a role has become a costume we’ve outgrown. It is choosing to honour the changing cycles of our lives instead of questioning ourselves for evolving.
For women, these cycles can be felt viscerally. The Maiden - curious, open, wild with possibility. The Mother - whether through children, creativity, or vocation - the archetype that nurtures, builds, and sustains. And then the Wise Sage - the one who steps into her own authority, no longer willing to contort herself to fit expectations that were never hers to begin with.
The difficulty is that society rewards us for staying in one cycle far past its natural season. Many women feel the pressure to remain endlessly productive, endlessly available, endlessly agreeable. The private truth is that many are deeply tired. Tired from holding up worlds that no longer feed them. Tired from smiling through roles they never consciously chose. Tired from living a life of expectation while secretly hungering for something else.
But here is the quiet revolution: we are allowed to imagine our lives differently. We are allowed to consider what it would feel like to lead ourselves, not just perform the roles assigned to us. We are allowed to ask:
What role is mine?
What role never was?
And what role is calling me toward my next chapter?
And perhaps the most important question of all:
What if I took one step toward it?
The step does not have to be dramatic. It may be as gentle as telling the truth to yourself. Listening to your body. Admitting that a chapter has ended. Claiming a desire you’ve buried under responsibility. Or simply whispering out loud - there is more for me.
To lead in our own lives is to trust that our identity is not fixed. That we are not just one role for all time. That we are allowed to reshape ourselves as the inner seasons change.
The Maiden becomes the Mother becomes the Sage - not through force, but through listening. And perhaps the deepest wisdom is knowing that each stage deserves reverence. Each has something sacred to teach us.
When women begin to imagine what life could feel like if aligned with desire, vitality, and purpose rather than expectation, something remarkable happens. Not all at once, but slowly, quietly, steadily. Life reorganises around truth.
And that, perhaps, is the highest form of leadership - the leadership of the self.
Listen to the Podcast Episode with Sara Slattery
If these reflections resonate with you, I invite you to listen to my conversation with Sara Slattery, where we explore energy, ambition, impact, and the importance of claiming our own inner authority.
🎧 Listen here: The Sharon Fitzmaurice Podcast
Author Bio
Sharon Fitzmaurice is a Holistic Wellness Coach, Reiki Master Teacher & Practitioner, Clinical Hypnotherapist, Author, Speaker, Podcast Host, and Advocate for Mental Health Awareness and survivors of childhood abuse. Founder of the Soulful Journeys Online Community, Sharon supports others to reconnect with purpose, awaken their wellbeing, and live with compassion and curiosity.