Anxiety is something many of us are feeling more of these days - not just adults, but children too. And while it’s natural to want to “fix” the anxious feelings, more control isn’t always the answer. In fact, as Dr. Mary O’Kane beautifully explores in our latest podcast conversation, the medicine for anxiety may lie in something much simpler, though often harder to access in the moment: Connection
In this episode, Dr. Mary and I explore the delicate dance between anxiety and connection -and how safe, attuned relationships help soothe our nervous systems in ways nothing else can.
Here are some of the key themes we touched on:
The roots of anxiety in children (and how adults can unintentionally add to it).
Sometimes, in our efforts to protect, guide, or control, we unknowingly fuel the very fears we want to ease.
Connection as true medicine.
Whether it’s with a parent, teacher, or peer, the feeling of being seen, understood, and held is what allows anxiety to soften.
What co-regulation looks like in real life.
When we’re able to ground ourselves, even a little, we give children permission to do the same. This isn’t about being perfect, but about being present.
Becoming a safe space, even when you’re struggling too.
It starts with self-compassion. The calmer and kinder we are with ourselves, the more room we create for others to feel safe with us.
But as we talked, another truth emerged: the very systems our children are growing up in often make connection harder.
When Education Becomes Pressure
Our schools, though full of dedicated and compassionate teachers, are largely results-driven. Success is measured in grades, exams, and test scores. For some children this works, but for many, it creates an atmosphere where anxiety thrives. Teachers, too, feel the weight of expectations, caught between nurturing young minds and meeting performance targets.
The truth is, academia is not the only pathway to a meaningful life. Creativity, empathy, imagination, and resilience are just as vital - and yet they’re often undervalued in a system that prizes results over relationships. When children feel they must perform rather than be themselves, their sense of safety and connection suffers.
Imagine instead an education system that celebrates diverse gifts, one that gives space for curiosity, creativity, and connection to flourish. What might it look like if schools placed as much value on emotional well-being and creative expression as they do on exam results? These are the questions worth asking as we consider the future of education.
A Call Back to Connection
This conversation with Dr. Mary O’Kane reminds us that anxiety doesn’t need more control. What it needs - in our families, classrooms, and communities - is more connection.
If you’re a parent, teacher, or someone simply trying to navigate your own nervous system, may this episode be a gentle invitation to pause, breathe, and remember: you don’t have to have all the answers. You just have to show up, as you are, and offer presence.
Tune in to the conversation on The Sharon Fitzmaurice Podcast with Dr. Mary O’Kane and discover why the path forward isn’t more control, but more connection.
Reflective Questions
Here are a few prompts to sit with after listening:
As a parent, teacher, or caregiver, when do I notice myself reaching for control instead of offering connection?
What helps me feel calm and grounded, so I can co-regulate with the children in my care?
How do I see the current education system affecting the children (or adults) around me? What alternative ways of learning might allow more creativity and well-being to flourish?
In my own life, where could I allow more space for imagination, play, and curiosity - instead of focusing solely on results?
Sharon Fitzmaurice
Holistic Wellness Coach, Author and Podcast Host
