A letter to let go

I am a great believer in writing about how you feel, on seeing it on paper, it takes the mystery out of your feelings and you can really tune into your emotions and let it go. So today my thoughts were of my Sister Bonnie who was physically and mentally disabled at birth, but we were blessed to have her in our lives for 28 years, this is my letter to her today.

“Dear Bonnie,

Tomorrow will be your 44th birthday, wow where has the time gone! You have been in my thoughts a lot today and I know you are around me. It is 16 years since you left us to continue your journey in Spirit but we still miss you.
I remember when we were younger we always knew that you were different, in the sense that you couldn’t walk or talk and we never shut up. You must have wanted to scream out loud “would ye ever be quiet”! But alas you didn’t, that was one of the things I wanted for you most, a voice- so you could tell me how you felt, if you were happy inside a body that kept you as a prisoner in many ways. As children we just accepted you for who you were, you were part of our family, a big part.

On reflection today I know now that you brought a sense of peace and serenity into our lives, you didn’t have to talk louder or run faster than any of us, you just sat, watched and listened as the world passed you by. Every so often, you broke out into laughter and we laughed along with you, not knowing what you really found so funny, but in those few moments you brought pure joy into our lives. There were also the times that you looked sad and we sat quietly with you, there were no words, it was just a feeling. Even as young children we could sense it and all we needed to do was just be with you, I really think it was You that gave the most to us when we felt sad, as you allowed us just to be. I do remember sitting with you many times and telling you how I felt, what my worries were and you just listened, I know you didn’t have a choice in the matter, but somehow I just knew you understood. Sometimes you were the only person to talk to.

I suppose as I write this letter to ‘You’, I am really writing it to myself. I am remembering what you brought into my life from a very young age and even though you are gone physically from our lives for nearly 16 years, I will never lose the memories and the love I feel in my heart for you. Without words or actions, you brought the most a person could ever bring into my life. You made such an impact on me and still do to this day, that I am forever grateful to you, my Sister. I love you Bonnie and always will. I know that you are always in my life as I feel your presence so strong at times. I know you have helped our family get through some very tough times and are still doing so. Through your presence in our lives, we are better human beings.

I know that people are struggling in their own lives and after a loved one passes they find it hard to carry on, but you gave us strength, we honour your life by getting up every day and doing all the things you would have loved to have done if you were here and physically able to do. The days I feel a little sorry for myself, I think of you. Sometimes we don’t have to ‘do’ anything, we just have to ‘be’, thank you for teaching me this valuable lesson.

I know you are dancing and jumping in Spirit and you have a freedom that you never had on this Earth, my heart jumps for joy when I think of you running with a big smile on your face. Even though we only had you here for 28 years, I am so thankful to have known you and called you my Sister. Happy Birthday Bonnie, hope you and all our family in Spirit are celebrating. Dance like no one is watching and if they are dance even more.

Your loving Sister